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It is very difficult to understand the anguish an addict goes through, especially if you have never personally been involved with addiction. Following are personal stories of people involved with addiction on one level or another. All stories are used by permission of the author. If you would like to share your own story, you may submit it via email to info@methbgone.com
and we will publish it here for you.
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I have written this story/poem to help you understand what a dark place
addiction is, that I felt that I had no choice, my addiction ran my life.
Welcome to my world, my madness.
Wait! Don't hurry off just yet, I promise this will only take a moment.
Let me open the door for you to a whole other world.
A world that never sleeps,
A life for the dead and dying.
A world full of chance encounters, a place where no one is really bad or good,
A place where we say, "It's us against them."
Let me take you to the other side where life is just a pinprick away.
Be still and let my darkness fall upon you. I promise that the sun will rise
And your daylight will find you and with your morning coffee,
Preparing to rush off into your day, as like any other.
Sorting through your have-to's and want-to's.
Desperately running through your day, and away from work, and back home again,
Home to your stack of bills, dinner waiting to be cooked, an expecting spouse,
Eager children and a list of chores.
But let's not forget the ever present but always forgotten gift that you have and I don't:
The gift of choice.
So sit back, have no fear and enjoy the ride, this one is on me.
Let me share my Sickness.
You see, you and I, we're really not that different.
All with the stinging twist of swirling smoke and the rush of a slow rising bubble,
It seems as if this hate rising up in side of me has become nothing more than a dream.
I can see into your eyes,
You'll never see, you'll never understand.
I have known loneliness such as few ever have.
Long since have the four horsemen come for me and turned the light.
This terror turns to rage,
Raising above all that I have been,
What am I suppose to be?
As the sun melts into the sky and the black of the night blankets across this world,
I feel as if the city has now become my playground.
The night has unraveled a blanket of shadows,
And I have become restless, driven with a purpose, but to you I am just anxious.
A fire burns deep within and the night, it speaks to me.
I nod my head -- I know what I must do,
But I have No Choice.
I feel as if I have come alive but it is really the sickness rising inside of me.
I look past the door and to your face,
No, I am not a monster,
My heart it does break, maybe too much.
How I wish you could know, I wish you could feel.
But I know you'll never understand, you'll never know this world I've come to live in.
Drifting through in endless moments, I can take it no more,
And quit this rage of need inside of me.
I open my heart and give it to you and find my release.
I watch as this bubble rises through and up,
Clenching my fists, I watch my veins rise,
Just a pinprick away,
I line it out--tap the top--and it’s in.
I watch as the deep crimson washes back,
My pain laid upon my heart, I await in dying desperation.
Caught in the eye of the storm, this world has stopped,
And I can't even hear you any more, nothing else matters,
I push it all back.
My eyes close in relief already spent,
And now I can taste you.
I can see you, but I can't hear you,
And I know that you'll never understand.
This sickness terrors through me in waves, it is all I can do to stay alive.
I have no Choice.
Tell me, does my heart still speak to you?
Can you feel my pain?
Let me share my Sickness
"And we need each other to counter the darkness, keep out the cold, to provide meaning to existence".
With God's help I made it through a recovery program and my life is back on the right path.
T.D. - Cortez
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Let me start by saying Praise The Lord Jesus that I am saved. I am saved from a dark and gloomy world of drugs.
I was a drug user for most of my life. I started with pot at age 12 and continued that till age 25. I also used cocaine, methamphetamines, alcohol, acid and majic mushrooms. I liked the getting high feeling that all these drugs gave me. My favorite was smoking pot. I even sold for a while. When I was using methamphetamines, I sold things that I loved. Just to get more drugs. Wasted a lot of time and money. It was all gone so quickly. I was a functioning addict. I managed a medical office for a year being high.
I met my husband almost 7 years ago. When I met him, he was using methamphetamines. He was "jonesing" all the time. He could not get any higher. He, too, is an addict. We partied till there was no more funds to party with. We smoked meth, snorted meth, ate meth and he even shot it into his veins. I gave it up when I realized what he was going through. With love, patience and time, he managed to come off meth and continued to smoke pot. I claimed that he could smoke pot till the cows came home as long as he did not bring meth into the house again.
Two years ago, I started going back to church. My God impressed upon my heart to stop smoking pot and He would bless me. At that time, my brother, his girlfriend, my husband and I all smoked. God showed me in more ways than one that from "just pot" my child could be taken from me. At that time, with His strength, I went home, told my family of my decision and quit. I announced that drugs were not to be in our home or anywhere around our child. That went over like a fart in church.
A while later, my brother and his girlfriend moved out. After battling with my husband regarding "his right to smoke pot in his own house" for another year, my husband also quit smoking marijuana. He has been clean now for almost 1 year.
The threat of having our child taken away from illegal drug use is GONE. The scariness of losing our child to a crazy mixed up world of foster care scared me to death. Thanks to God, I no longer worry about that.
I am proud to say that God cleaned up my life and is working continuously every day. The addiction He has truly removed from my body. Praise God for His mercy on my life.
Through Jesus, I can do all things. Nothing is impossible with God!
JT - Phoenix, AZ
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You may already know how devastating meth can be to the person using and to every one they know, you know the profound sadness and how your heart aches for the person you love.
I have a daughter who is addicted to meth. I have seen what meth has done to her. When she is using this drug, the daughter I know disappears and she becomes an entirely different person.
I have seen her turn away from her family, parents, grandparents and even her children. I cannot even imagine the power this drug has that has caused her to choose it over her children! When she is not using this drug, she is a great mother, I can see the love she has for her kids, she is a daughter to be proud of.
I am left with trying to some how explain what is going on, to try to tell them they are loved and to answer their questions. My grandson is a very angry little boy and finds it very hard to talk about how much he misses his mommy. My granddaughter asks me, “Grandma, will you call mommy and tell her to come see me, right now?” “Grandma, tell mommy I am ready for her to pick me up now”. It breaks my heart…I don’t know what to tell them.
When I wake up in the middle of the night crying, asking my self where is she, is she safe, is she still alive, will my grandchildren grow up with out their mom? I keep praying and praying, for her, for my grandchildren, for our family and for our community.
I now all I can really do is pray. God has and is giving me the strength to get through each day. Some are very hard, I keep praying. I don’t know how I would make it with out God’s help.
I encourage all of you who read this, please pray.
LP - Cortez
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